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Lovers:
Written by: Simon Nye
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Original airdate: July 1, 1994
Synopsis:
Gary and Tony discuss their various sexual escapades at The Crown before the conversation turns to Tony’s lack of a job and not being able to pay rent. He does fancy the idea of staying home more though since Deborah has just recently stopped dating a man she had been seeing. As they look at Les’s new reading section of used magazines, they begin talking about how many women they’ve slept with. Gary is cagey on the number, while Tony brags about stopping counting after he got to 50.
Later that night, Gary broaches the subject with Dorothy. She doesn’t want to answer for fear of being called either a slut with too many partners or a frigid old lady with too few. Gary is aghast when she finally settles on the number of 12. He quickly inflates his own number and past escapades.
Tony rushes out of the apartment when he hears Deborah going out and chats with her about the end of her relationship, offering to talk about it more if she wants. She however is on her way to a step aerobics class, which he asks if he could go along with and she agrees. While there, Tony tries acting goofy to attract one young woman there but is surprised when her boyfriend suddenly appears to greet her. Tony finds himself stuck behind an overweight man and asks another woman to let him stand behind Deborah. All is well until the instructor comes in and has them all turn around the opposite way, leaving Tony in the front.
At work, Gary is still thinking about the idea of the number of sexual partners people have had, feeling pressure to have a larger number, since he’s only had 3. He is further depressed and surprised to learn that George himself had quite the wild youth.
Later that night at the pub, Deborah tells Dorothy that she does like Tony, if he could only be a bit more sensitive. Les hosts a trivia night, but to the women’s chagrin they learn that most of the questions are all about hot Hollywood women and which films they first got naked in. When the question comes up about what the average number of sexual partners for a 30 year old man is, Gary says 50, leading Dorothy to laugh, proclaiming that Gary hasn’t had 50 women, to which he is very offended by.
At home, Deborah comes down to work out with Tony, who says their heater is stuck on, leaving him to strip down to his underwear as they work out. He starts taking pictures of Deborah as she works out but he gets too close to the heater, burning his legs accidentally. They head out to the local pool and Tony explains the burn marks away as having been from a time after he saved a cat from a burning building. He hams it up on the diving board, but Deborah finds herself more drawn to an athletic man, diving from a high board and performing a perfect dive. Tony decides to try it himself and climbs up on the high board, but gets nervous and eventually throws up.
Later, Gary starts showing Dorothy pictures of his past escapades, and she gets hurt by all the women he’s showing her. However, Tony comes in, and reveals that the pictures are actually his, not Gary’s. Tony and Gary later commiserate while watching a workout video.
Chat on the Sofa:
Troy Tempest is a character from children's television series Stingray, filmed in 1963 using a combination of electronic marionette puppetry and scale model special effects. Set in the 2060s, the series follows the exploits of the World Aquanaut Security Patrol (WASP), an organisation responsible for policing the Earth's oceans, and the flagship Stingray, a combat submarine crewed by Captain Troy Tempest, navigator Lieutenant "Phones" and Marina, a mute young woman from under the sea. Stingray's adventures bring it into contact with various underwater civilisations, some friendly and others hostile, as well as strange natural phenomena.
Britt Eckland is best known for her roles in The Wicker man, and the James Bond film Man with the Golden Gun. Her first role was uncredited in the Elvis Presley movie G.I. Blues.
Bed:
Written by: Simon Nye
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Original airdate: July 8, 1994
Synopsis:
Gary and Dorothy begin their nighttime routines, trading barbs as they do. Gary gets annoyed at her with the gunk she puts on her face, and she gets annoyed at his preparing his clothes and setting them out just so. He comments on how they don’t seem to want sex at the same time anymore and fears turning into their parents. Gary tries coming on to her to no avail, even trying to get her to let him have sex with her while she sleeps. She tries sleeping but Gary then tries just rubbing against her but she’s not having it, claiming indigestion from his cooking.
Tony readies himself for bed, listening to a self help tape but he ignores the messages on it, choosing to read a thesaurus and play guitar instead. Deborah comes down and tells Tony she can’t sleep due to the wind slamming a gate back and forth, something Tony was supposed to fix. Despite Tony’s joking, he goes out to try and fix the problem.
Meanwhile, Gary joins her in her place and fixes up a drink for Deborah consisting of boiled breath mints and ends up trying to hit on her when Dorothy walks in. He makes the usual excuses and she asks him to take her car to get her some medicine. Tony joins them, having picked her some weeds, but they soon hear that the fence is still not fixed so he heads back out again to fix it.
Gary meanwhile tries several places before finding a pharmacy that’s open late but when he goes to pay realizes he doesn’t have his wallet.
Deborah confides in Dorothy that Tony is interested in anyone really, not just her and after laughing at Tony’s disheveled appearance after coming in, they go down to Tony and Gary’s place together. Deborah goes to Tony and confides in him that she just lost her job which is why she’s been so angry lately. He convinces her to lay down while he starts singing her songs on his guitar to help relax her. When that doesn’t work, they discuss her future as far as jobs go and he reveals his record shop actually fell apart and crushed his records. He suggests she be a model and she’s quite flattered and they start kissing but then the fence breaks yet again, and he heads out to try and mend it. Desperate, he seemingly just pulls down the fence and stomps on it.
Meanwhile, Gary makes Dorothy a drink of flour and water, pretending it’s milk of magnesia. She calls him out on it and demands he go get her proper medicine, seeing as how he found his wallet in the hall. He manages to get the medicine this time but then discovers he has lost his car keys, leaving him to walk home.
Deborah joins Dorothy on the couch, thinking she might give Tony a chance, but then they both think better of it.
As Gary and Tony enter, frustrated, they see Deborah and Dorothy on the couch asleep. Gary messes around with Dorothy’s lips, while they listen to Deborah talking in her sleep, trying to figure out what she’s saying. Gary realizes Dorothy is awake and Tony carries Deborah to her bed and tucks her in, climbing into bed next to her. Deborah wakes up a bit to ask him what he’s doing, but says it’s fine for him to stay but if he tries to touch her he will die. Left with nothing to do, Tony plays around with his lips, making faces.
In Gary’s bed, Dorothy feels better and is wanting to have some sex now but he’s too irritated and refuses. Dorothy grabs some left over pizza and eats it, moaning suggestively as Gary pouts.
Chat on the Sofa:
Casualties:
Written by: Simon Nye
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Original airdate: July 15, 1994
Synopsis:
Gary and Tony discuss the differences between men and women and he contends that women enjoy being in a relationship more than normal people. Depressed Deborah joins them, but she’s too down to join them in their games, talking about being unemployed, her friends moving away, being fed up with men, and having decided to sell her flat.
At work, Dorothy stops by and gives him an ointment, revealing to George and Anthea he has a wart on his penis, and not, as Gary told them, helping the hospital cure a rare tropical disease. Noticing all the boxes in the office, Anthea reveals that Gary sublet their storage out for extra money, but Dorothy’s disapproving look convinces him to fix the problem tomorrow.
Gary and Tony visit Deborah trying to act as if they’re all a big happy family, hoping she will stay. She is not convinced though, even after they try to paint a terrible picture of different parts of the world.
The next day, Tony starts pouring water on the walls and tearing the wallpaper off, as well as cooking up terrible smelling food, including incorporating his old socks to try and put off the real estate agents.
Dorothy expresses frustration with Gary lying so much but Tony defends him. He tells her about Gary being glad they’re in a relationship, especially since he was able to train Dorothy, to which she is not thrilled to hear.
As the real estate agents enter the house, Tony goes out to greet him and the prospective clients, putting on an accent, claiming he’s got boils, and describing the place in a negative way. Gary soon joins him, putting on a voice and telling them that it may get loud when Tony and he make love in the garden.
Gary sees Dorothy is awake and tries joking with her but she makes no response. She then starts testing him to see what he’ll lie about, calling out his comments about the training. She then decides that she wants to break up and he is shocked. After hearing her complaints, he swears he will stop lying and treat her like a queen.
Deborah shows the flat to someone and sees that Tony has left a message in the garden saying the roof leaks and also has started playing his guitar super loud. She insists he seems to want her to be unhappy but he claims he doesn’t, saying that he felt his happiness was more important.
At work, Gary confides in George that Dorothy broke up with him. Gary then lies about where the money from the storage shed is going but then tells the truth. He asks George to lie about the working conditions if Dorothy calls but then Anthea gets lost in the maze of boxes and panics, knocking over a box that hits George on the head.
As a result, Gary takes George to the hospital, asking George to lie about the box. Dorothy is put off seeing Gary, and after listening to Gary’s story about a book hitting George, asks George what really happened. George agrees with the book story.
When Gary returns home to hear Tony making up a silly song about Deborah, he tells Tony about the work incident. Deborah shows up and reveals she’s decided to stay, having gotten a new job.
Gary visits George in the hospital and sees Anthea visiting who had told George how he really got hurt. George tells Gary he’ll keep quiet about what happened as long as he and Anthea get monetary bonuses, annual raises, choices of office furnishings, and biscuits. Gary reluctantly agrees.
Dorothy returns home to Gary and she tells him that George explained how the accident happened and she says she chooses to believe him, mostly because she doesn’t have time to find another boyfriend and they make up. Tony sets up some lights to welcome Deborah back, but when he turns them on they end up exploding and causing a scene. As the smoke settles, the real estate agent enters and kisses Deborah while Tony leaps angrily towards her new romance.
Chat on the Sofa:
Catherine Tate played one half of the couple looking at the apartment, her second role ever, and she would go on to become a comedian in her own right. She had a starring role in several seasons of Doctor Who, including recently returning in 2024 for three specials. Aside from a number of movies and TV series in the UK, she was also a recurring character on The Office (34 episodes).
Ben Fox was the other half of the couple, and he’s had considerably less roles. Some notable ones include voices in Big Finish Doctor Who productions, George Orwell in the series Pennyworth, and the lead cop in Pokémon: Detective Pikachu.
What's Up Next?
Series 3B episodes Weekend, Cleaning Lady, and MarriageFurther Resources:
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