Beer of the Week: (not a paid advertisement)
Babies:
Written by: Simon Nye
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Original airdate: May 25, 1995
Synopsis:
Gary stands in the wedding chapel, ready to declare his vows for Dorothy, when things go crazy in church, from George and Anthea dancing together, to Les pouring beer, to Deborah riding Tony like a horse, and Dorothy and Gary suddenly both appearing pregnant. He wakes up screaming and he and Dorothy have a discussion about how she wants to have babies but he does not. As they talk, Dorothy starts thinking that Gary is too immature to have a child and likely too immature for the responsibility and leaves in a huff.
Deborah stops by to ask Tony to open her door for the plumber, giving him her door key. Tony tries to appeal to Deborah’s sympathy, describing his depression due to not being able to be her boyfriend, even going so far as to just asking her to sleep with him.
Together Gary and Tony visit Deborah’s apartment and rifle through her belongings. Gary asks for advice about whether or not he and Dorothy should have a child but Tony isn’t much help.
At work, Gary talks with George and Anthea about having children, with George asking him if he isn’t worried about leaving behind a legacy. Anthea explains how great it is to be single and child free, but her reasons depress Gary.
Back at Deb’s apartment, Tony invades her bedroom to glance at her underwear and diary, during which he spills his drink in the panties and then on her bed, leaving him to rush out with the whole lot to wash.
Gary goes to see Dorothy and seemingly decides to have children with her, stating he wants to pass on his knowledge. Dorothy however feels he’s too immature still. Gary claims he’s changed and Dorothy agrees to come over after work.
Tony continues to read her diary while he sits in the laundromat. Unfortunately, he manages to mess up her bedsheets and underwear in the wash. Unable to bleach them back to white, he comes up with an alternative plan. Deborah arrives home, disappointed that Tony left the flat to do laundry instead of letting her plumber in. As she goes upstairs she is shocked to see her apartment ransacked. Deborah however quickly deduces the truth and slams his hand in her drawer as punishment.
Dorothy arrives home and sees the giant stuffed animal that Gary bought for their future child, and then sets fire to their old contraceptives. Dorothy reveals that she doesn’t want to have kids with him after seeing the things in his briefcase: fizzy fish, beer, a scrapbook of Michaela Strachan, a wet tshirt competition application for Dorothy, and a drawing of what he thinks his child would look like. She kisses him goodbye and leaves.
Later, he and Tony chat on the sofa, before falling asleep to the sound of a womb on the stereo.
Chat on the sofa:
Noel Edmonds is an English businessman, and former television presenter, radio DJ, writer and producer.
Gary and Dorothy have an ongoing argument about who the fifth Osmond is. The Osmond Brothers began as a barbershop quartet consisting of brothers Alan, Wayne, Merrill and Jay. They were later joined by younger siblings Donny and Jimmy, both of whom enjoyed success as solo artists. With the addition of Donny, the group became known as The Osmonds; performing both as teen idols and as a rock band, their peak lasted from 1971 to 1975. This would make Donny the fifth Osmond.
Michaela Strachan is an English television presenter and singer. After beginning her career in theatre, she ventured into presenting and fronting the children's television shows Wide Awake Club (1986–1989) and Wacaday (1987–1989). She subsequently went on to co-present The Hitman and Her (1988–1992) and embarked on a brief music career under the stage name Michaela, releasing two singles "H.A.P.P.Y. Radio" (1989) and "Take Good Care of My Heart" (1990), which reached number 62 and 66 in the UK Singles Chart, respectively.
Fungus The Bogeyman: a day in the life of the title character, a working class Bogeyman with the mundane job of scaring human beings
Infidelity:
Written by: Simon Nye
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Original airdate: June 1, 1995
Synopsis:
As Gary naps in the chair, Tony and Deborah watch a show, with Tony constantly asking questions about what’s happening. Gary irritates her when he wakes up and asks the same questions. Tony, bored with the show, cracks his knuckles and continues to annoy Deborah. She yells at him for being selfish and he tries to defend himself but she storms out.
After reading an article in a magazine about how to tell if your significant other is cheating on you, he starts seeing those signs in Dorothy’s behavior. When he accuses her of sleeping with her coworker, Tim, she takes offense and leaves.
Gary and Tony stake out Dorothy’s parents to see if she’s cheating on him, adopting ridiculous disguises, but only see her talking with a landscaper. Gary tails her at work, taking photos of her hanging out with several coworkers.
Tony decides to volunteer at an old folks retirement center, talking to seniors. Unfortunately his attempt at talking with them backfires when he just ends up annoying them. He tells Deborah about it but she just asks what he’ll do next to impress her and he says he thought he has finished now and she leaves him standing in the doorway.
Dorothy comes over to apologize for the fight they had, but after he shows her the pictures he took, she tells him who is who in each picture, explaining she has started to date another person in the picture, Jamie, and breaks it off with Gary, leaving him alone.
Tony goes to Deborah and shows her his newest attempt to show he’s not selfish, shaving his pubic hair to help save the planet, but she reveals it’s pointless for him to continue because she has a new boyfriend.
Later, Deborah and Dorothy hang out and discuss Tony and Gary with Deborah saying she might actually sleep with Tony someday and Dorothy reminiscing about the few days she had with Gary.
Chat on the sofa:
Potter about: Do meaningless tasks, no schedule
Pornography:
Written by: Simon Nye
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Original airdate: June 8, 1995
Synopsis:
Gary, depressed over his breakup, tries to deal with Tony singing off key and strumming his guitar badly but eventually Gary just cuts the strings off. Tony tries to help, telling him to not call Dorothy but later Gary does just that, trying to use music and sound fx to make her think he’s having a party. She deduces his ruse but agrees to meet with him to talk, but he gets upset when she mentions Jamie, her new boyfriend.
Back at the flat, Tony and his new girlfriend Jill have loud sex but afterwards she finds his stash of porno mags, telling him she isn’t on board with him having them. He agrees to get rid of them to keep her happy.
Gary asks Deborah for advice on how to win Dorothy back, but she encourages him to try and find someone of his own, suggesting he have a dinner party like she is going to have. He wants to come along but she tells him that Dorothy will be there with Jamie.
At work, George helps Gary figure out what he needs for his own dinner party while Anthea suggests he invite various celebrities. Instead Gary calls his friend Clive, asking him to come and bring some women along. At home Tony finds it hard to actually throw out his porn, and finds a new place for them.
Jill shows up and avoids Gary, heading into Tony’s bedroom and the two start to go at it while Gary awaits his guests. When he hears noises outside he goes to see if it’s catering but l instead finds Dorothy and Jamie in leather jackets having arrived for Deborah’s dinner party. He takes jabs at Jamie before Les shows up with his version of catering: cold cuts and anything else he could slap together. Soon enough Clive calls to tell him he’s not coming and instead is going off with the female guests he was supposed to bring.
At Deborah’s dinner party, the girls talk about Gary and Tony, making fun of them, but as things go on, Dorothy takes offense at Jamie making fun of Gary.
Downstairs, Gary descends into further depression as Tony apologizes for missing the party due to him and Jill having some sexy time. Jill calls him back and shows him that she found his porno mags hidden inside his guitar, storming out.
Gary decides to invade Deborah’s party and brings along some things that he and Dorothy bought together, proceeding to chainsaw them all in half dramatically. Tony hurries up to rush Gary away. The two get drunk and start singing Lady in Red.
Chat on the sofa:
Deborah’s boyfriend Peter was played by Peter Czajowski, he only has 19 credits to his name, one of which was in the classic Doctor Who episode The Curse of Fenric.
Rock is a type of hard stick-shaped boiled sugar confectionery most usually flavoured with peppermint or spearmint.
Sir Peter Ustinov was a British actor and humanitarian. An internationally known raconteur, he was a fixture on television talk shows and lecture circuits for much of his career. Ustinov received numerous accolades including two Academy Awards, three BAFTA Awards, three Emmy Awards, an Olivier Award and a Grammy Award. Ustinov received two Academy Awards for Best Supporting Actor for his roles in Spartacus (1960), and Topkapi (1964). He also starred in notable films such as Quo Vadis (1951), The Sundowners (1960), Billy Budd (1962), Hot Millions (1968), and Logan’s Run (1976). He voiced Prince John and King Richard in the Walt Disney Animated film Robin Hood (1973), and portrayed Agatha Christie's fictional detective Hercule Poirot six times for both film and television.
Tom O'Connor was a British comedian, television presenter, and actor. Originally a comedian in working men's clubs, he progressed to hosting TV game shows such as Crosswits, The Zodiac Game, Name That Tune, Password and Gambit.
Linford Christie is a Jamaican-born British former sprinter and athletics coach. He is the only British man to have won gold medals in the 100 metres at all four major competitions open to British athletes: the Olympic Games, the World Championships, the European Championships and the Commonwealth Games. He was the first European athlete to break the 10-second barrier in the 100 m and held the British record in the event for close to 30 years. He is a former world indoor recordholder over 200 metres, and a former European record holder in the 60 metres, 100 m and 4 × 100 metres relay.
Tony Blackburn is an English disc jockey, singer and television presenter, whose career spans over 60 years.
The Birmingham Six and The Guildford Four were groups of people, mostly from Northern Ireland, who were each sentenced to life imprisonment in 1975 following their false convictions for the 1974 Birmingham pub and Guildford pub bombings carried out by the IRA. Their convictions were declared unsafe and unsatisfactory and quashed by the Court of Appeal from 1989-1991. They were offered compensation ranging from £840,000 to £1.2 million.
Crunchie is a brand of chocolate bar with a centre of honeycomb toffee, also known as sponge toffee, cinder toffee or hokey pokey. It is made by Cadbury but was originally launched in the UK by J. S. Fry & Sons in 1929.
Filofax is a company based in Scotland that produces a range of personal organiser wallets. The organisers are traditionally leather bound and have a six-ring loose-leaf binder system. The design originated at Lefax, a United States company from Philadelphia which was exporting products to the UK. The company also markets a range of personal leather goods and luggage under the "Filofax" brand.
Christmas crackers are festive table decorations that make a snapping sound when pulled open, and typically contain a small gift, paper hat and a joke. They are part of Christmas celebrations in the United Kingdom, Ireland and Commonwealth countries such as Australia, Canada, New Zealand and South Africa.
"Seasons in the Sun" by Terry Jacks is the song that Tony songs to practice his busking.
"I'm a Wanker" is a 1978 comedy song written and performed by British musician Doc Cox under the pseudonym of "Ivor Biggun and the Red Nosed Burglars". The song was released as a single by Beggars Banquet Records on 2 September 1978, reaching number 22 on the UK Singles Chart despite not being aired on the radio due to its references to masturbation.
What's Up Next?
Series 4B episodes Three Girlfriends, Drunk, In Bed With Dorothy, and Playing AwayFurther Resources:
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