Beer of the Week: (not a paid advertisement)
Weekend:
Written by: Simon Nye
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Original airdate: July 22, 1994
Synopsis:
Tony tries out his bartending skills for his new job at The Crown, trying to emulate Tom Cruise in the movie Cocktail but instead ends up breaking a lot of glasses. Gary reveals that Dorothy is coming for a chat about their relationship, to which Tony offers him some of his books he’s been given by his previous girlfriends about relationships.
Dorothy shows up and says that their problem is that they find each other less sexually attractive. Gary pulls a passage out of one of the books that says they should share their fantasies with each other while Dorothy finds a passage that suggests they go on a countryside holiday together.
Gary pops into The Crown to see Tony dressed in a glittering suit jacket and he worries that Deborah might see him working there. He commiserates with Gary, saying that he figures he can get Deborah back by using his personality or make her boyfriend look stupid.
Gary wastes time showing Tony how to take care of the flat while he’s away, including the thermostats, and his pet fish, but Dorothy threatens to leave so he gives it up and heads out with her. Dorothy enjoys the countryside while Gary makes fun of it all.
Back at the flat, when Tony hears Deborah going out he leaps to go chat with her, breaking his guitar in the process. He acts as if he is picking up the mail, but really he had been holding it in order to have a pretense to talk with her. She apologizes about hurting him by dating Ray but he plays it off, claiming he’s fine and is happy serving celebrities at The Crown.
Dorothy and Gary find themselves running romantically through the fields and holding buttercups under each other’s chins, but Gary often finds himself falling down and not really enjoying himself as much as Dorothy.
Tony finds himself drinking more and passing out while pining for Deborah. At his job he complains about how Deborah will be with Ray tonight having sex, when suddenly Deborah and Ray show up in The Crown. As Tony hides, Ray comes off a bit pompous and full of himself, leaving Les to suggest a new plan to get back at Ray, giving him a pint of the ale that gave a lot of customers gut rot the previous week.
As Gary and Dorothy lay in bed on their holiday, Gary wonders about the specifics of listing out their fantasies. They switch their papers and Gary is intrigued by Dorothy’s while she is shocked by the sheer amount and content of his, especially since his fantasies don’t include her.
Meanwhile, Ray throws up while Deborah waits patiently on the bed. Tony shows up to help, offering her to come downstairs with him. Tony goes back downstairs and tries faking his death with ketchup and a knife, hoping Deborah would come down to save him.
Dorothy and Gary return home, and Tony tells them what his plan was and what they did at The Crown with the bad ale. Deborah rushes down to ask Dorothy to come look at Ray but Deborah comes back downstairs after Dorothy suggests that Tony would know why Ray is sick. Tony begs Deborah to go out with him but she refuses and leaves. Tony then accidentally drops a toaster in Gary’s fish tank and it kills the fish.
Later Gary reveals how he took some of the hotel's towels and a towel rack, and Tony reveals that he took Ray’s headlight and bumper. Tony heads off to bed, reckoning that Dorothy isn’t coming back, and Gary says that he tried to get her back by pretending he had an amputated leg.
Chat on the sofa:
Robin Kermode played Ray. He was in a few sitcoms before this one, but mostly he’s a supporting character actor.
Norman Wisdom was an English actor, comedian, musician, and singer best known for his series of comedy films produced between 1953 and 1966, in which he portrayed the endearingly inept character Norman Pitkin.
Dannii Minogue is an Australian singer, television personality, and actress. As a child she became known for her appearances on the television talent show Young Talent Time (1982–1988). She went on to play the role of Emma Jackson in the Australian soap opera Home and Away (1989–1990), for which she was nominated for two Logie Awards.
Selina Scott is an English television presenter who co-hosted the first dedicated breakfast television programme in the UK, before moving to the United States to join West 57th, a prime-time current-affairs show.
A rambling holiday is another term for a walking holiday, a type of trip where you explore a destination by walking, typically on trails or paths, rather than by vehicle. The focus is on a slower pace of travel, allowing for deeper immersion in the landscape, culture, and local life, often involving staying in different villages or towns each night or returning to a central base.
Babycham is a light, sparkling perry invented by Francis Showering, a brewer in Shepton Mallet, Somerset, England. The name was owned by Accolade Wines until 2021, when it was bought back into the Showering family business Brothers Drinks Limited. The brand was particularly popular during the 1960s and 1970s. The new owners are planning a major rebrand and relaunch of the drink.
Pork scratchings is the British name for deep-fried, salted, crunchy pork rind with fat produced separately from the meat, eaten cold. Pork scratchings typically are heavy and hard, have a crispy layer of fat under the skin, and are flavoured only with salt.
Morris Minor is a charming, classic British economy car produced from 1948–1971. Designed by Alec Issigonis, it was the first British car to sell over a million units. The Minor is known for its practicality and ease of upgrades for everyday use.
Alsatian: German Shepard
Gut Rot: Upset Stomach
Gob in it: Spit in it
Buttercup tradition: Hold a buttercup under a chin and if it turns yellow, you like butter
Cleaning Lady:
Written by: Simon Nye
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Original airdate: July 29, 1994
Synopsis:
Tony reasons that Deborah likes Ray because he has a respectable job unlike himself. Back at the flat, as Tony, Gary and Dorothy watch TV, he tries to think of jobs he could do as they dismiss his ideas. Dorothy gets disgusted by how dirty their apartment is and Gary promises to hire a cleaning lady so that Dorothy will keep coming around.
When the cleaner shows up, she turns out to be the opposite of what Gary was expecting as she is a young, pretty, fit girl with an accent from Portugal named Elena that he starts drooling over.
At The Crown, Tony reveals he actually got a job as a model, and has decided to leave his bartending job. Gary tells Tony that the cleaning lady is coming back tomorrow because she’s missed a bit and that he should make himself scarce. When Elena shows up he tells her to do some dusting but she finishes quickly, seeing as she took care of him cleaning the day before. He invites her to sit and have some refreshments with him as they discuss her boyfriend back in Portugal and how he is looking for a girlfriend himself.
Tony, dressed up as fancy as he can, drops into Deb’s new restaurant that she manages. He brags about his new job and how she’ll see his face advertising things all day long out on the street, and makes another comment about how she could have been his girlfriend. She is adamant that she is dating Ray and he tells her that he has a girlfriend, to which she seems slightly put out but walks away.
At home, Tony goes through various techniques and products to get his skin looking strong and smooth. As he talks with Gary he accidentally gets some lotion in his eye as he yells for help. Gary meanwhile tries out some of the techniques in Tony’s skin care book. Dorothy walks in and talks with him about a dream she had of Gary having a button that turned him into Liam Neeson but since she wore it out, it stopped working and she had to shoot him. Gary tried pressuring her into leaving the house but she is aware of his ploy, but not the specifics. He tries to explain how the cleaner is horrible, hideous, and steals things and tells Tony to leave as well.
Later that day, Gary sits and watches as Elena cleans. As he schools her in English, she finds a picture of Gary and Dorothy and while he tries to play it off as being his sister, she deduces the truth. He asks her to come back and clean the next night as well, and while she feels he is lonely and pathetic, she needs the money so she agrees.
Tony arrives home and finds himself attracted to Elena but Gary takes him aside to ask him to not make a move on her. Gary leaves for work and Tony ends up asking Elena what she’s doing that afternoon, and takes her out to Deborah’s restaurant. As they talk with Deborah, Tony tries his best to spin things that Elena says.
The next day, Tony sees he has a pimple on his nose and is upset because he is supposed to start a job that day for a mail order catalog. Later, Elena shows up, ready to clean, but Gary suggests a drink first. Tony arrives home, having quit his modeling job after they let him go. He is surprised to see Gary ready to take Elena out and the two argue about who gets to have her. When Dorothy and Deborah arrive home, Gary quickly changes his tune and tells Tony to pretend that Elena is his girlfriend.
As the girls come in, Gary tries making excuses and rushes off to the bathroom. Deborah and Dorothy quickly find him, Elena and Tony in there together and Tony’s attempt at a lie isn’t accepted.
Later Tony and Gary drink away their cares, while discussing liking the flat dirty as it’s more natural, what supermodel they would date, what job Tony will go for next and various other free ranging topics to cap off their day.
Chat on the sofa:
Elena was played by Sandy Hendrickse, another character actor with a few handfuls of credits.
Michel and Albert Roux were French chefs and restaurateurs working in Britain. They opened Le Gavroche, which subsequently became the first three Michelin starred restaurant in Britain and The Waterside Inn, which was the first restaurant outside France to hold three stars for 25 years.
Douglas Hurd, Baron Hurd of Westwell, is a British Conservative Party politician who served in the governments of Margaret Thatcher and John Major from 1979 to 1995.
The Two Ronnies is a British television comedy sketch show starring Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett. It was created by Bill Cotton and aired on BBC Television from 10 April 1971 to 25 December 1987.
Caribou is another name for reindeer.
Top Myself: K1ll yourself
Berk: stupid or foolish person
Marriage:
Written by: Simon Nye
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Original airdate: August 5, 1994
Synopsis:
Gary talks with Tony and Deborah about a missing dustbin when Deborah calls them out on going through her garbage. Tony took a shirt that belonged to a neighbor and Gary found a ball of her hair. Tony defends it as wanting to see what makes her tick and why she likes Ray more than him. She just says that they have interesting conversations and that he is more interesting.
Gary leaves to have dinner with Dorothy and ends up getting so drunk he asks her to marry her and she accepts. The next morning he regrets his decision and complains to Tony about it. Tony continues to wonder what Deborah and Ray talk about and Gary suggests he bug them with some listening devices he recently got at work for testing. Gary and Tony then chat about various stag nights they’ve both been involved in and the hijinks they ensued.
On the bus with Dorothy, Gary tries to bring up his proposal as being foolish but never manages to get it out, leaving Dorothy to push for a church wedding sooner rather than later.
George talks with Gary about the joys of marriage but Gary isn’t having it. Anthea gets pulled into the conversation and she relates the one time she was asked to marry someone, way back in grade school. Gary asks them to take some of the listening devices and test them out at home.
Back at the flat, Gary tries to recapture his youth and appear younger instead of an adult and asking Tony to play with him, throwing paper balls at a cereal box on his head. Gary shows him the listening device and Tony takes a daffodil from outside to give to Deborah as a ruse to plant the bug. Tony shows his jealousy and Deborah restates that Ray is just more interesting.
Back at work, George and Anthea give their reviews of the listening devices, both of whom placed the devices at less than ideal locations. George reveals the deal he and Marjorie made about putting 10 pence in a jar anytime they had an unfaithful thought and it turns out Marjorie has had so many of them she has managed to pay for several of their vacations.
Tony meanwhile has spent the day listening to what Deborah has been doing. Gary has started dressing awfully, even pouring onion juice on himself and gargling with it, hoping that Dorothy will be put off.
In his room, Tony hears Ray come over and start kissing Deborah before asking about the plant she was given by Tony and deciding to toss it out. Tony rushes up to save it, and grabs the listening device and places it elsewhere in her apartment before leaving. Tony goes back down and listens again, hearing Ray insult him and rushing out to face off against him, failing to hear Deborah break up with Ray, telling him that Tony is gentle and considerate and Ray is just boring. Tony breaks through Deborah’s door, insults Ray’s car and leaves. Deborah chases after him and kicks him in the balls.
Gary tries acting as chauvinistic and domineering as he can, but Dorothy is seemingly completely on board with it all, going along with anything he suggests, even when he suggests he should be able to sleep with anyone he wants, Tony will live with them forever, and she has to perform any sexual act he wants, even if he wants to use large vegetables. When she continues to agree, he whines that he can’t get married because he was just drunk and she reveals that she knows and just enjoyed watching him suffer all week. She then rejects the idea of marrying him and Gary starts listing his good points on why she SHOULD marry him. After listening to him, Dorothy tells that yes, he’s right, she will marry him as she kisses him and walks off. Gary is stunned as Tony limps in, suffering from Deborah’s kick.
Chat on the sofa:
Gary says his cousin Bengy married a “Great Daine” and at the wedding she sang the 1974 Eurovision entry for Denmark. However, Denmark did not compete in the song contest for 11 years straight from 1967 to 1977.
Sideboard: cabinet
Barmy: crazy
What's Up Next?
Series 4A episodes Babies, Infidelity, and PornographyFurther Resources:
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